DON’T BEAT WOMEN! JUST DON’T!

I like to write about hockey.  It’s something I’ve been doing for a few years now and although I’m not a “journalist” or even a “professional” I do my research and try to think of interesting things to write about.  It’s pretty easy to do, really, especially when every night something new and different happens such as Derek Stepan’s hat-trick or Kari Lehtonen’s incredible pad save.  See? Now you’re all like “oh daymn, I missed those things and want to see dem!”

The thing is though, when you write about hockey, you actually writing about people.  Not fake, SkyNet, terminator automatons, Real F-ing People with parents and children and dogs and other stuff too.   Generally, I like to keep my writing to the stuff these people are doing at work.  It’s pretty strange when you think about it, but that’s what they’re doing: working, and working really hard.  I should mention here that I started out blogging about my day at work but for some reason T-bone and the Supervisor Doggz never really caught on.zdenochicken

What the pro athletes in the NHL do outside of hockey I generally don’t know about.  I can guess they work out, watch hockey on television, according to twitter some of them do a lot of hunting during the off-season, Zdeno Chara does stuff like this.  But when things get dark sided, as can happen with pro athletes, it sort of becomes a grey area for someone like me.  Sure, I’ll joke around about how overweight Dustin Byfuglien has been, or the fact that he got arrested for drunk boating.  That kind of stuff is funny, even though he’s a real person and I would never say it to his face because he would literally kick the shit out of me.

Which brings me to my next point.  Last as I’m sure you’ve heard, Colorado Avalanche goaltender Semyon Varlamov  turned himself in on counts of domestic violence and kidnapping.  He apparently was drinking heavily, got in an argument with his girlfriend, pushed her over, kicked the shit out of her, and pulled her around the apartment by her hair.

What the fuck man.  That’s not cool.

I thought for a while about whether or not I should write about this.  I’m no guru, millions of people don’t read what I write, but I still want to make sure I’m not over stepping my boundaries as a severely unprofessional sports blogger.  But I decided to anyway because, that shit’s not cool.

Seriously, what the fuck Varlamov?  You outweigh that MODEL by like 1,000 lbs.  You’re like 10 feet taller than her.  Kicking her in the chest!? That’s some deplorable-ass shit.  Domestic violence causes not only physical harm but mental as well.  Just imagine getting punched by the one you thought you loved.  Wouldn’t that confuse the shit out of you?  Battered women’s shelters and support groups exist because getting slapped around will fuck up your mind.  Domestic violence can lead to substance abuse, depression, and suicide, just listen to 1 episode of Loveline.   Varlamov’s girlfriend says this wasn’t the first time he’s beaten her, but at least she was smart enough to go to the police this time.  Any man who beats his girlfriend/wife/whatever is a Grade-A shit bag.  I hate to say it Semyon, but you now fall into that category.

Sean Burke honing his craft

Sean Burke honing his craft

Now, I don’t want to single out just one goalie because that’s not fair, most notably because a goalie beating his wife isn’t just reserved for drunken Russians.  While playing for the Hurricanes in 1997, former netminder and current Assistant to the General Manager/Goaltending coach Sean Burke was arrested for beatin’ his old lady.  It seemed as though the pressure of having Trevor Kidd fighting for your starting gig was too much for him.  Another goalie who wasn’t able to make a stop on his emotions is…*gasp!* Patrick Roy! T-bone and the Hockey Doggz touched on this on our last podcast but to clarify, it was October 2000 when Roy ripped some doors off their hinges during an argument with his wife.  Roy was able to show some restraint and not punch and/or kick his wife, but he was arrested nonetheless.

So you know, what the fuck Patrick Roy?  When asked why he was starting Varlamov the day after he made bail Roy said, “Why wait?  We’re all aware of what happened, but we just feel that he’s our guy.” What, you guys are brothers in arms now? Patrick Roy has been great for the Avs so far this year.  He’s taken a team that was really really bad last year and turned them into a team that has only lost 1 game in 13 tries.  But “why wait?”?  How about because Varlamov just got out of jail for BEATING HIS WIFE?!  What Roy is saying here is “we know he beat his wife, but we don’t care.”  That is generally the sentiment by teams when one of the people they pay millions of dollars to represent their team commits a crime.  If I committed a crime and made bail and was able to go back to work, I doubt I would get fired as long as it wasn’t a crime related to my job.  But I am not an athlete who gets paid very well to be a public figure and role model.

What the fuck Avalanche? Shouldn’t Varlamov be punished by the team and coaching staff?  At least a little bit?  I suppose at this point it’s not their jurisdiction, but still.  If a guy doesn’t show enough effort on the ice one night, he’s scratched the next.  If a guy beats his wife and goes to jail, he gets to start the next possible game?  That doesn’t make any sense.  At least let the player and the fans of your franchise know that that kind of shit will not stand, man.

Lastly, what the fuck, us?  Shouldn’t we as fans be more outraged about this whole incident?  This professional athlete just beat his wife

Belfour never had $1 billion! Who was he kidding?!

Belfour never had $1 billion! Who was he kidding?!

which will have a lasting effect on her for years to come.  Most of us will probably forget this even happened by the end of the year.  If he had punched a guy at a bar then offered the Dallas police $1 billion after refusing arrest, I’d be fine with it.  But he didn’t, he beat a defenseless woman in their home, a despicable crime of cowardice.  Varlamov even said that if they were in Russia, he would have beat her more.  UGGHHHH!

Well, maybe I shouldn’t be meddling in the personal matters of these people whom I love to watch at work.  Maybe I should only be concerned about what happens the 60 minutes these guys are on the ice.  But if that were the case, I wouldn’t know that Alexei Kovalev is a airplane pilot, or that the Sedin twins love to rollerblade.  I guess I’ll just have to take the good with the bad and let dog sort ‘em out.

If you have a different opinion let us know.  Send us an e-mail at tboneandthehockeydoggz@gmail. com, follow us on twitter @tbonehockeydogz, or leave us a comment!

-T-bone

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T-bone and the Hockey Doggz Podcast Episode 2: Recap, Mailbag, and America

T-bone and the Hockey Doggz - Moonpie

T-bone and the Hockey Doggz – Moonpie

Hello Everyone!

The stars aligned yesterday and T-bone and the Hockey Doggz were able to confer and discuss the NHL.  While we were talking, T-bone got his wish of a goalie fight and he didn’t even know it.  Can you believe there was a goalie scoring a goal and a goalie fight within 2 weeks of each other?! I can’t! Here’s some other stuff we talked about:

  • Who’s the worst?
  • League leaders
  • Health care for Guamainians
  • Funnest blog online
  • T-bone and the Hockey Doggz Mailbag Reading Time
  • Fighting or not fighting
  • AMERICANS
  • Reflections on Sergei Varlamov, accused felon
  • Predicting the future with hockey cards

So listen to the p-cast, have fun, and try not to pay too much attention to Dad who tries to ruin it.  Follow us on twitter @tbonehockeydogz or send us an e-mail at tboneandthehockeydoggz@gmail.com.  AND you can subscribe to our podcast on iTunes here. WOOOOOOOO!

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The Yardstick: Backups Have Been Good, American of the Week

League Leaders

Offense

Goals: Alex Ovechkin – 10

Assists: Henrik Sedin – 12

Points: Sidney Crosby – 17

Goalies

GAA: Josh Harding – 1.00

SV%: Tuuka Rask – .957

Wins: Antii Niemi – 8

Shutouts: Jean-Sebastian Giguere – 2

Other

Players Suspended: 7*

Games Lost Due to Suspension: 33*

(*Pending John Scott’s meeting with the Shanahammer)

Backstrom Harding Backstrom Harding Backstrom Harding

Backstrom Harding Backstrom Harding Backstrom Harding

Dope Things

Backup goalies!

Josh Harding – Harding started the season in Minnesota as a back-up for Niklas Backstrom but became the starter after Backs went down (typical Backstrom) 3 games into the season with a knee strain.  Harding played in 9 games posting a 1.00 GAA and a .953 SV% before going down himself last night with an injury and being replaced by his back-up Backstrom. It’s like a snake eating it’s own tail.

Carter Hutton – Nicknamed “Tiki Hutt” by his teammates, Hutton has been strong in his first season as a first-string back-up for the Nashville Predators.  He’s played in three games, won two of them, has a 1.37 GAA and a .959 SV%.  Hopefully he can keep those numbers up because he’s going to be “in the shit” with Pekka Rinne being injured.

"Well officer, he came at me with a stick and knives on his feet."

“Well officer, he came at me with a stick and knives on his feet.”

J.S. Gigure – Giguere has been excellent.  It’s crazy. 3-0, .981 SV%, 0.67 GAA, 2 shutouts.  It’s probably just another one of his streaks, but keep in mind his greatest streak won him a Conn Smythe trophy in ’03

The Coyotes

Last year I was like, “Sure am glad the Coyotes aren’t in the playoffs”.  This year I’m like “Why are the Coyotes still so good?!”, although I know the answer is 2 words: RIBEIRO BABY!  9 points in 11 games, this guy is partly to blame for the Coyotes best start since the 2000-01 season.

Nope Things

Suspensions

CLEARLY THE NHL’S DISCIPLINARY TACTICS ARE NOT WORKING BECAUSE NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT MISSING 5 GAMES OR LESS.

Public Smack Talking

In one of my favorite stories of the early season, Montreal Canadiens forward Lars Eller called the visiting Edmonton Oilers a “junior team“.  I mean, it’s kind of true but you probably shouldn’t be saying something like that to the media, especially before a game.  So what happened? The Oilers beat the Canadiens 4-3 and Eller was to blame.  Tsk Tsk

American of the Week

NOT Dustin Byfuglien, OR Craig Smith (this week)

Americans had a pretty good week. Phil Kessel had a hat trick, Craig Anderson had a good game, Bobby Ryan is fitting in behind enemy lines .  BUT I’m gonna give American of the Week honors to one of the USA’s up and coming stars: Seth Jones. WHO?!

SETH JONES!

If you wanna e-mail T-bone and the Hockey Doggz please do: tboneandthehockeydoggz@gmail.com

Follow us on twitter: @tbonehockeydogz

Bye Byeeeeeee!

-T-bone

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Long Island Could Use Ryan Miller More Than Buffalo

Yikes.

It may not look like it from that video, but Ryan Miller is a pretty good goaltender.  He’s a former 41-game winner and has led his team to back-to-back Eastern Conference Finals, losing both times.   In a year wear he posted a .926 SV% and a 2.22 GAA, Miller won a Vezina trophy in 2009-2010 as well as a silver medal at the Olympics where he was named tournament MVP and American Hero.

It’s pretty much been downhill from there. In three seasons since winning the Vezina, Miller has yet to finish a year with a SV% higher than .916 and his GAA has been on the wrong side of 2.59.  Granted, the Buffalo Sabres team in front of him has been mismanaged and has gained in crapiness every season since 2010 as well, but there’s no denying Millers game could use some spark.

Miller is set to become an unrestricted free agent at the end of next year and having to weigh factors like his team being bad, he ain’t gettin’ any younger, and his super-hot wife living in LA, odds are he’s not signing in Buffalo.  Plus the front office knows that he could bring a roster player and a draft pick in a trade.  If you’re privy to the blogosphere (and I know you are) then you have likely heard all kinds of

A vetted and indisputable heaping helping

A vetted and indisputable heaping helping

rumors about R-Mill and what weirdos on the internet think will happen with him.  Here at T-bone and the Hockey Doggz, I, T-bone, love myself a heapin’ helpin’ of outsider speculation based solely on an idea that come to me while washing my butt and research conducted on the internet.  So what ideas do I have about the Miller saga? Glad you asked!

The first question I asked myself was “Where’s the beer?” so I went to the fridge and exclaimed “Eureka!” and cracked open a cold one. Gimme a “Hell Yeah!”.

Then I asked, “Welp, what team is in contention but would benefit from adding an average goalie who has potential to be great and has playoff experience?”  There have been rumors that the Edmonton Oilers have been in trade talks with the Sabres, but it is likely that Edmonton is on his list of teams he’s not tryin’ to get traded to and it is unlikely he would waive his no trade clause to go there.  Plus, why would Edmonton give up on Nail Yakupov less than halfway through his first full season? C’mon!

For my money, a team that could use Miller’s experience and skills the most is the New York Islanders.  Evgeni Nabokov is cool, don’t get me wrong, but in the playoffs last season (and pretty much every post-season), his numbers were pretty terrible: .842 SV% and 4.44 GAA.  Granted he was playing against the Pittsburgh Penguins who have two of the most talented and gifted active players, but if Nabby could have out played Pens goalie Marc-Andre Fleury (which wouldn’t have been too hard) it would have been the Islanders against the Senators in the second round instead of the Penguins.  Nabokov is old and not that great.  Kevin Poulin is young and untested.  The Islanders have a lot of talent up front that could be moved for a solid net minder. According to capgeek they have about 14 million in cap space which is plenty to handle Miller’s 6.25 Million cap hit.  Plus, if Garth snow really wants to shake things up, he could try to wrangle the other hot soon-to-be-UFA Tomas Vanek as well.  If the Isles were able to trade for these two, it would add leadership and most of all playoff experience which, as they move to the next phase of their development, would be good to have.

I told you he was cool

I told you he was cool

But who would the Islanders be willing to move to get power couple Miller and/or Vanek?  My guess would be Kyle Okposo.  He’s kind of the 5th wheel when it comes to scoring for the Islanders behind Tavares, Moulson, Grabner, and Frans Nielson.  Plus with the addition of Cal Clutterbuck this past offseason, whatever Okposo brought physically has been covered and then some by the hit-happy Clutterbuck. Throw in a couple of draft picks and maybe a prospect in their system, Vanek could be there’s too.

It’s possible that the cunning GM-itude of Garth Snow has another grand plan that does not involve Ryan Miller or Tomas Vanek.  To that I would say, “That’s why you get paid the big bucks”.  Maybe Miller’s not good enough to justify trading away a young player and replacing Evgeni Nabokov.  But a move like this would make a lot of sense I think looking to get more competitive and go deeper into the playoffs.  Although, Ilya Bryzgalov is still available!

-T-bone

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The Yardstick: Problems With Authority

League Leaders

"If I say I love you, it means I love you, ok?"

“If I say I love you, it means I love you, ok?”
Photo: Getty

Offense

Goals: Thomas Hertl – 7

Assists: Henrik Sedin – 9

Points: Sidney Crosby – 14

Goalies

GAA: Josh Harding – 1.15

Save %: Jonas Hiller – .959

Wins: Marc-Andre Fleury/Antii Niemi – 6

Shutouts: A bunch of guys – 1

So! Huskey and I went to the Pens/Flyers game last night and there’s a few things I’d like to mention about it.  First, the Flyers are in a pretty bad spot and they showed it last night.  They had no business being on the ice with the Pens.  They were able to generate a few chances early but didn’t really get anything going until the end of the 2nd when they scored.  After that it was all Pens.  Second, people haaaaaaaate the refs.  From booing nearly every stoppage in play to the guy sitting in front of us with the #69 “RefUSuck” jersey, the people in Philly have a real problem with authority!

This is worth watching just for the reactions of Mike Haynes, the play-by-play guy in Colorado.

That’s all for now!

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T-bone and the Hockey Doggz Podcast: Season 3 Premier!!!!!!!

WELCOME TO SEASON 3 OF YOUR FAVORITE T-BONE AND THE HOCKEY DOGGZ PODCAST! WOOOOOOOO!!!

Yeah! Can you tell how excited we are?! After a long hiatus we’re back with our famous brand of wit and whimsy.  For the first time in a while T-bone, Moonpie, and Huskey made the trek to the podcast studio deep below the Earth and discussed many things related to and about the NHL.  In this episode we discuss this kind of stuff:

  • What’s new for the 2013-2014 season?!
  • Flip-flop ice skates
  • Hockey’s Elder Statesman Jaromir Jagr and his deal with the New Jersey Devil
  • New ideas to supplant the shoot-out – NSFW
  • Our take on the Patrick Roy freak-out
  • Bryzgalov to the Penguins
  • Flyers are so bad
  • T-bone and the Hockey Doggz Tarot Time.
  • Yeah.
  • This:

Hockey Card Tarot Reading

Thanks for listening! We’ll be back with another podcast soon so check back later…when you think there’s been enough time for us to make another podcast. Or you can subscribe to the podcast on iTunes and it’ll show up when it’s ready.  In the meantime, email us at tboneandthehockeydoggz@gmail.com and follow us on twitter @tbonehockeydogz.

 

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The Yardstick: Rangers Stink, Actual Sharks Probably Do Too but the Hockey Team is Pretty Good

I think it’ll be fun to track the league leaders throughout the season so…here

League Leaders

Mike "I don't practice" Santorelli is the Canucks goal scoring leader with 4.  Weird right? Photo: Getty

Mike “I don’t practice” Santorelli is the Canucks goal scoring leader with 4. Weird right?
Photo: Getty

Forwards

Goals: Tomas Hertl – 6

Points: Tomas Hertl – 7

Assists: Alex Galchenyuk – 6

+/-: I no longer recognize this stat

Goalies

GAA: Jean-Sebastian Gigure/Ben Scrivens – 0.00

Save %: Jean-Sebastian Gigure/Ben Scrivens – 1.000

Wins: Antti Niemi – 4

Shutouts – A bunch of different guys – 1

 

I have a few questions about this early season and I’m hoping you, the reader, can offer some opinion on the subjects.  The first question I have is:

Alain Vigneault is all like "What da haaaaiiillll" Photo: Getty

Alain Vigneault is all like “What da haaaaiiillll”
Photo: Getty

What’s wrong with the Rangers?

Seriously!  They STINK!  They’ve been outscored 20-6 and are 1-3-0 in 4 games, they’re allowing 36.2 shots per game and poor Henrik Lunqvist gave up 6 goals last night against the Ducks.  I know, I know, it’s early.  They have a new coach whose system is totally different then the last guy.  They’ve been all the way across the country from their home.  They’ll probably turn it around, but for now they suuuucccckkk.  Get it together y’all!

 

How about the Sharks?!

D’you see them?! Dey been crazy good!  Niemi’s been able to carry over his play from last season which is to say he’s been excellent.  Tomas (pronounced Tomash (thank you Drew Ramenda)) Hertl has 6 goals, four of them coming in one game.  I want to comment on his fourth goal, you know the super sick one where he scored from between his legs and behind himself.  IT. WAS. AWESOME. Yeah, sure there was a bit of hot-dogging there, but remember this:

That was a bit of hot-doggery too, but it was ALSO AWESOME. Hertl’s last goal was so good that if Joe Thornton scored it, we would have seen his dong.

Just some food for thought for all da homies out there.  Let me know what you think about all this in the comments, on twitter @TboneHockeyDogz, or via e-mail at tboneandthehockeydoggz@gmail.com.  And also get pumped for a podcast! Cause it’s happening! MONDAY BAY-BEE!

 

The Flyers Suck and the Trapezoid is Stupid

Hey! It’s been less than a week since the NHL season started! Let’s talk about it!

OWCHIES!

OWCHIES!

The first big thing that happened re-sparked a debate that’s been going on for longer than I’ve been around.  On opening night, “The Mustachioed Cat” George Parros fell on his face during a fight against Toronto’s Colton Orr, leaving the ice with a concussion.  So, should we take fighting out of hockey? To that I will only say this: Nope, it has an unquantifiable effect on the momentum of a game and anyone who has witnessed this in action would want to fight anyone who wants to take fighting out of the game.  THAT’S IT!

Going from stale to fresh, the second winningest American coach of all time Peter Laviolette, was fired by the Phiadelphia Flyers.  He was the second victim of circumstance in the Philadelphia sports world (we’ll miss you Charlie!) in a matter of months.  Much like the beloved Philadelphia Phillies, Laviolette’s team was bad due to more than one folly of GM-itude.  Since he’s been around since ’09, he had to take the heat for it.  The good thing about it though is that the Flyers are now 0-3-0, starting a whole new system with a rookie coach, they have a terrible defense and an even worse goaltending tandem.  They’re going to suck!  And that makes us here at T-bone and the Hockey Doggz pret-tay pret-tay happy.  Flyers Suck!

Finally: a rant.

I could use more of this.

I could use more of this.

Hey! You know what I’m sick of? Well I’ll tell you.  I’m sick of people talkin’ shit about the shootout.  You know what else I’m sick of?!  PEOPLE NOT TALKING SHIT ABOUT THE TRAPEZOID! Since the last lock out, it has been deemed that a hockey game needs a winner, and quickly! No more ties, dammit, we wanna see some fancy stick work and there’s no better way to see that than a shootout.  So along the same vein, why don’t we want to see fancy stick work from a goalie?! There’s no valid reason a goalie shouldn’t be able to handle the puck.  “Because he’s too good at it” is not a reason.  Stick-handling to a goalie is an added skill, one that all goalies have the option to work on.  Everyone knows that Martin Brodeur is one of the best stick handling goalies of all time.  Who else is there right now? Mike Smith? Brodeur is on his way out.  After he’s gone, will we see another great puck moving netminder?   I know I would like to, but with the trapezoid, there’s no real reason for a goalie to polish his stick skills, and I hate that.

GET RID OF THE TRAPEZOID!!!

So, everyone, it’s a new NHL season and a new season for T-bone and the Hockey Doggz.  Get ready for a new podcast coming up in the next week or so wherein we will have some new awesome segments involving 2 cases (yeah around 500 cards) of ’91-’92 NHL Pro Set Series II hockey cards.  There’s also going to be more smart, funny, provocative insight from me T-bone.

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T-Bone and the Hockey Doggz Podcast: Discussing the Cup Final, the Penguins Demise, and Recent Changes

Here’s our latest effort!  In this gripping episode of the T-bone and the Hockey Doggz Podcast we discuss a little of this:

  • What happened to T-bone and Moonpie’s beloved Pittsburgh Penguins?
  • The Stanley Cup Final and how we got there
  • The NHL Playoffs are clearly the best playoffs of any sport (sorry arena football)
  • Who’s going to be taking the vacant coaching positions in NYC, DAL, and the big Van Van?
  • Colorado is gonna be weird next season
  • Tim Thomas as a boarder patrolman

I must say, it’s a pretty good episode, especially when paired with a couple-a-hundred pounds of trail mix.  As always, feel free to leave your comments below (me).  You can also tweet us @tbonehockeydogs or send us an e-mail at tboneandthehockeydoggz@gmail.com.  WOO!

 

 

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T-Bone and the Hockey Doggz Podcast: RETURN OF THE PLAYOFF WAR ROOM!!!

Hey guys (and gals too)!! It’s been a little while but T-Bone and the Hockey Doggz are back at it, and just in time for the Stanley Cup Playoffs!! In this edition of the p-cast, we talk a little about these things:

  • Breaking news out of the “Dirty D” (Denver)
  • Regular season winners and losers
  • Who’s gonna win this year’s awards? DISCLAIMER: we don’t talk about the Norris Trophy
  • Who’s gonna win this year’s playoff games?!

EEENNNNJJJOOOYYYY!!!!

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