Veterans aren’t just people who fought in wars or the guys who give your cat medicine. Some of them are also just old farts dickin’ around at the hockey rink. Or old dicks fartin’ around sometimes, too. Whether it’s their steel-trap memories, physical dexterity, sanguine disposition, or just a still, steady set of hands offering guidance, the elderly, too, can help your favorite NHL team a-plenty.
Like, hey, remember Gordie Howe?! Chuck D sure does:
Well, I’m with ya 110%, Mr. D., as Gordie was the real deal. The fella scored something like 40-plus points when he was 50-plus years old. AND he was ornery as fuck, too.
Look at him! He could easily be a dirty Southern Sheriff/Hockey Player.
Of course, it has been a while since Gordie laced up the skates that “Phantom” Joe Malone bequeathed him. That does not mean that a few geezers of note aren’t stubbornly keeping the locker room television sets firmly glued to Matlock to this day, though! Let’s take a moment to recognize some old-timers who are still playing like they’re whipper-snappers or something.
Adrian Aucoin- Hockey Player, Some Team
Adrian’s family sent this photo in to Wilard Scott and the gang at Today in celebration of his latest birthday.
“Adrian Aucoin, livin’ in Phoenix, Arizona! Adrian turns 93 today! Happy birthday, Adrian! He still plays ice hockey and loves his grandkids and The Family Circus and ! Look at him, still a go-getter- just look at that smile!”
Dwayne Roloson- G, Tampa Bay Lightning
Dwayne kind of looks a lot like a US veteran in this headshot. The scraggly hair, the dirty stubble, the tortured look in his eyes. The odor. When he’s not going hard in the blue paint, Dwayne can be found on a lucrative highway median outside of the Clearwater, FL Home Depot.
And just to give you an idea of how old he is… Dwayne fought in Korea…
Nicklas Lidstrom- D, Detroit Red Wings
Lidstrom, seen here in a daguerreotype taken by Matthew Brady shortly before the Battle of Chancellorsville, is a Volvo-esque model of Nordic efficiency. There are multiple theories as to how Lidstrom remains a top-tier defenseman in the NHL despite his 174-year-old carriage: some claim that he is placed in a sacred glacier every off-season, while others resolutely believe that he’s simply cut carbs out of his diet completely. A renegade faction of physicists posit that instead of flying on the Red Wings team charter, Lidstom might possibly pilot his own jet at roughly 3/5 the speed of light, thereby causing him to seem younger to us due to the affects of time and space.
Teemu Selanne- LW, Anaheim Ducks
“A man growing old becomes a child again”, Sophocles