We all know what to expect from the upcoming season of HBO’s 24/7: Rangers/Flyers: Road to the Winter Classic II: Outdoor Harder: With a Vengeance. There’s gonna be some of the normal wonderfully candid shit: dudes rapping for real about who they think stinks/who they think is cute, e-mow-shin-al Family Circus-lookin’ junk (for the ladies out there paying their for their man’s HBO package), and (our most favorite-est part) a wide variety of inventive profanity. The kind of stuff you’ll be screaming at your co-workers down by the watercooler tomorrow. They’ll know what you’re talking about (if they’re cool (it’s a good test !)).
But what won’t we be seeing? What kind of things does “the man” wanna keep out of your own personal Home Box Office? Expect the unexpected (but don’t expect to see these things):
-Chris Drury playing hockey;
-Chris Pronger playing hockey;
Sidney Crosby playing hockey (actually, HBO inserted a digitized Crosby (a la Hayden Christensen in the end of the new version of Return of the Jedi) into any footage featuring the Penguins);
-Jaromir Jagr’s “blackjack secrets” revealed;
-Players saying that they could ‘go either way about playing outdoors’ and calling the rivalry with their opponents ‘not heated… un-intense’;
-The show will likely include footage of Rangers forward Artem Anisimov’s Yosemite Sam goal celebration against the Lightning last week, but after some strong-arming from the Feds, they won’t be able to reveal the startling truth: there was a gremlin on the jumbotron at Madison Square Garden!!! He was trying to kill it!!!;
–HBO will probably cleverly hide the fact that not a single player for New York is an actual ranger and nobody playing for Philadelphia can really fly;
-And finally: the guys on the Flyers and Rangers actually used to be close friends! Clever editing disguises the fact that players from each squad were asked for their opinions on Osama bin Laden (boo!), not one another. Their angry responses were then superimposed over footage of players like Scott Hartnell and Sean Avery. Having sufficiently stirred the pot and misled both parties, HBO created a rivalry at the expense of some beautiful friendships.
At the end of the day, the stuff they leave in should make for some goo-ood watchin’.