Dear T-Bone, Huskey, and Moonpie (the Hockey Doggz),
I must reiterate that I do not endorse your website and ask that you refrain from mentioning me by name on your blog.
Written as dictated
Well, it’s over. All over. But it wasn’t all celebrity endorsements (like the one above) and poor waiter-ing. There was the actual game, which ya’ll are probably getting tired of hearing about. But you probably aren’t tired of hearing me talk about it, right? So what was up with:
-Fucking Scott Hartnell? What the fuck? He is currently the worst. Fuck that guy.
-And what the heck is up with Mike Rupp. Don’t get me wrong- I like the guy. But he has hit the League hard and caused a bit of a shitstorm along the way. 24/7 really cast him as an important cog in the Rangers hockey-machine (getting way more camera time than your Ruslan Fedotenkos of the team) and his joining the team seemed to be a bit of a pivotal moment. Then he suddenly gets into some hot water over his comments to ruff guy Jody “Two Girl Names” Shelly. Then he scores 2/3 of the Rangers’ goals on Monday and does the little Jagr salute thing. That’s an awful lot of news around a 3rd-4th liner who just came back from knee surgery, just sayin’…
-Future Hall-of-Famer Mark Recchi, who pretty much mentioned our blog by name (his eyes said it all), is a pretty tuff-lookin’ hombre (all the foundation at the NHL network’s disposal can’t hide his battle scars), but I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s a bit of a teddy bear. He kinda looks like a gummi bear, anyhow.
-The Flyers… I don’t know. I’ve spent way more time thinking about, writing about, talking about, and even watching them than I care to admit, but I just do not get them. They should be better than they are playing right now. Not that I want them to be. But what were they thinking signing that goalie to a nine-year deal!? Now we have to hear about it for years, literally. Years. Guys, I am so serious when I say people will be talking about Ilya Bryzgalov for years to come. It’s like the Flyers organization wanted to put a single face on all their goaltending problems. Like they needed a goddamned spokes-problem. I’m surprised it took until January for things to start to sour, but, jeez-a-loo, just wait until the playoffs. If Bryz can’t get it together for the NHL’s big winter carnival event/pep rally, there’s no telling what sort of inventive and novel ways he can find to shit the bed this spring.
-Oh, and also Jaromir Jagr. This summer, when I heard the Flyers got Bryzgalov and fucking Jagr, I was all, like, ‘great, now I have to hear about both of these emotionally-fragile weirdos being the best dudes ever when the team wins and suckiest bunch of sucks to ever suck at hockey when they lose’ Of course, Jagr is also physically fragile at this stage in his career, so his one minute of ice time followed by 59 minutes of puppy-dawg eyes at Coach Laviolette was a painful harbinger of the coming months of sports-talk radio once the Eagles wind down and people forget about the Sixers.
-But then the Phillies will come back and nobody will worry about anything other than them.
-The Rangers… they don’t seem like they should be the best team in the east right now, and I have to strain pretty hard to see them beating Boston four times out of seven, but here we are with the Blueshirts leading the East in 2012. There’s enough talent and grit throughout the lineup and their composure yesterday signaled a team that is thoroughly doused in good character. Just soaked in it. Say what you well about Rupp’s jab at Jags, Callahan’s embellishment of the hook in the closing minute, or the angry words that just keep coming out of their coach’s mouth, the Rangers really took this whole contest in stride.
-Whaddya mean “took it in stride”?! Well, first off, you misquoted me. More importantly, though, this game did have a, well, highly-produced feel to it. And not just because of the fighter jets, smoking trash cans, fireworks, Pierre MacGuire AND Darren Pang, and the occasional appearance of that Geico Gekko. This game was definitely showbiz. The calls towards the end of the third period were strongly, strongly going Philadelphia’s way (weird penalty against NYR for delay of game, matching minors on a breakaway to an empty net, and then the coup de grace– that penalty shot) and these, uh, oddities didn’t garner much discussion or head scratching from the broadcasters. The NHL didn’t want Philly to prevail, per se, but they certainly wanted a dramatic, overtime finish. I’m sure if the roles had been reversed, with the Rangers scrambling for a tying goal, the refs would have aided them, as well. So, thankfully the Flyers didn’t cash in on the dicy calls, the game was super entertaining, and Tortarella still managed to say angry stuff afterwards.
-What about the field? The rink at the Bank surely looked rad from the helicopters and blimps above, but few people can afford blimp-seating. Most of us working-class chumps have to settle for $1000, lower-bowl seating. But, seriously, it just doesn’t seem like most of the seats would offer a very good sight line.
-Not that bad views and outrageously-priced tickets kept people away from this. How many people were at that thing? Probably like a million. We’ve all heard about how many people were inside of the Phillies’ workplace, but unless you were watching our close friends Kevin Weekes, Barry Melrose, Mark Recchi and Pat Sajak do the pregame coverage, you might not have noticed the thronging throng of ticketless people thronging about outside the stadium. I don’t doubt that a ginormous college football stadium could host one of these.
Well, that does it. Overall, it was a Classic of Wintery proportions. We made some friends (Pat Sajak, Sean Snyder), some enemies (Pat Sajak’s son, that woman on the El who said she knows where we live), but, most importantly, we made some memories. Who knows where the next Winter Classic will take place and if we’ll be able to remember to make fake press badges if we decide to go (we’ll probably need to make fake plane tickets, too, unless the game is close or we can borrow Ben’s mom’s car), but we’ll always have January 2nd, 2012!