And Ka-Blam, it’s freakin’ weekend time all over again, you ever-lovin’ blue-eyed things. There’re some impressive hockey bouts scheduled for the next 72 hours, so make sure and stock up on microwave burritos, Mountain Dew, and microwave burritos and brace for the best/worst.
20 January 2012
T-Bone and the Hockey Doggz Number 7
Is it just me or are the same eight teams playing every Freakin’ Weekend!? Well, since the Friday night scene is looking a little stale of late, maybe you should just gather your real-life friends together and listen to your internet friends’ latest installment of the T-Bone and the Hockey Doggz Podcast-stravaganza. This episode really had it all (well, not Pat Sajak, but he’s what Cookie Monster would call a sometimes treat (welcome to Michelle Obama’s America, people!)). There’s still time to bid $30 for one of our beautiful, hand-made buttons, too, or purchase the three-pack bundle for a cool Benjamin. Although watching the Blackhawks and the Panthers tussle might wind up being fun, listening to us field questions from hockey-lovin’ dark lords is definitely, assuredly, 100% guaranteed fun.
SPOILER ALERT: Moonpie nearly dies at the end, but T-Bone finds the serum at the last possible moment.
EXTRA SPOILER ALERT: You might wanna fast-forward through that last scene if you’re squeamish about needles, because T-Bone has to pop that sucker right through ol’ Moopie’s sternum a la Vincent Vega and Mia Wallace in Pulp Fiction.
21 January 2012
Rangers at Bruins
Now here’s what you’d call a good hockey game. On the one hand you have the Bruins, a ruff’n’tumble crew lead by hockey Golem Zdeno Chara. Then you got the Rangers, who have a real Viking between the pipes. Sounds more like Golden Axe than Blades of Steel, which is what I, for one, expect this game to turn out like.
Now we all know that these regular season games are important in the sense of a team wanting to earn every possible point during the 82-game season, but they aren’t, like, Stanley Cup Playoffs important or anything.
Based on the performance that the Blueshirts put up Thursday against the Wilkes-Barre-Scranton Penguins featuring Evgeni Malkin and Marc-Andre Fleury, you gotta think that their heads were in another place. Boston. And not because of the Bay State Bridal Expo at the Boston Convention Center, neither! This battle should be the nastiest dust-up between a Bruin and a Ranger since the Jellystone Park Shootout of 1975 that left a Park Service employee and a pair of bears of above-average intelligence dead.
IF I WERE A BETTING MAN, I WOULD: “Gamble everything I own on this happening: The Rangers save the inhabitants of the ransacked Turtle Village, which turns out to be situated on the shell of a giant turtle. The turtle takes the team across the sea to Boston, and they then fly to the castle itself (TD Bank Garden) on the back of a giant eagle. Once at the castle they defeat the final boss, Death Adder (Zdeno Chara), who is wielding the Golden Axe and save the land.
And the Rangers will accomplish all of this without the use of a Game Genie…
22 January 2012
Capitals at Penguins
A lot is going to be made about how this rivalry, like a certain old grey mare, just ain’t what it used to be. Ain’t what it used to be. Ain’t what it used to be. But what about the fact that this game will be available on my television set? I’ll take it!
Even if names like Crosby and Backstrom are sitting this one out with a tuff case of the soupy brains, there should still be some exciting stuff to watch. Like hockey, which is very cool from a spectator standpoint. Expect a fast-paced tête-à-tête, guys, because you got Ovechkin playing better, Geno playing like a beast, and a pair of perennial playoff powerhouses (well, Washington’s a perennial playoff participant, anyways) both right on the bubble. Which, when you think about it, should make for much gnarlier hockey than if both teams were running away with their divisions.
MISS CLEO CALLED ME AND HERE’S WHAT SHE HAD TO SAY: “The Penguins’ life circumstances may have altered so much in the past few months that they could be in an entirely different space than ever before. Success and recent good fortune have increased their self-image, and business and money matters should be going well. Today they should pause to take some time to assess your situation and decide in which direction they want to go. They now have it in your power to make dreams come true.
The Caps, meanwhile, may have preferred not to acknowledge their own psychic abilities in the past, but today they could prove impossible to ignore. Visions, premonitions, and telepathic messages from others could pop into their minds all game long. This shouldn’t be treated as something strange, but rather they should regard it as a source of inner power. Abilities like this increase understanding of opponents as well as themselves.”
And then I ran out of money before Miss Cleo got around to telling me who she saw winning.