Red Wings Succumb to Curse of Kyle Quincy, Lose at Home

As you all know by now, the Red Wings of Detroit have not lost a home hockey game since the Bush administration. The first one. H.W. Like, 769 straight games in Detroit- all wins. On the road, they’re something like a .500 team. But when outsiders show up to the Joe Lewis Arena, well, a different team shows up. Maybe it’s the motivational intermission speeches from Clint Eastwood, or Robocop making an appearance in the visitor’s locker room to ‘level the playing [ice]’, or perhaps it’s some other joke about Detroit that I can’t think of right now. No matter what, though, the Red Wings were unbeatable at home. But apparently the Vancouver Canucks don’t know the meaning of ‘unbeatable’ (well, after last year’s Cup finals, I’d say they might not grasp the whole ‘unbeatable’ thing…), because they showed up in Mo-Town and rudely won the hockey game- and right when they were a mere pussy hair away from losing!


Now, it’s worth pointing out that the Nuck-Nucks won on what some would deem a ‘technicality’- a shootout. I agree, but my definition of ‘technicality’ can mean ‘awesome’, ‘cool’, or ‘fun to watch’. You’ve never heard it used that way before? Hm. This technicality had a little bit of everything. Case in point: how about Todd ‘Two-Million-Dollars-Per-Year’ Bertuzzi skating about .75 MPH towards the guy the Canucks traded him for? In case you never, ever see it, all’s I can say is, Bertuzzi just skated really slowly towards the net and then shot the puck at Robert O. Luongo’s leg. It was like he hears his mom yealling ‘c’mon Todd! We have to go! Now! Grandma’s waiting in the car, let’s go!’ and he’s just being a pill, skating all slow like that. Just fucking milking it. Then, the flip side of that, we had Alex Burrows, who used a less lethargic technique to achieve outstanding excellence in the category of hockey victories. While there was nothing unusual about Burrows’ move or anything, his celebration was noteworthy. Since this was special, what with that streak and all, the third Sedin tried to emphatically snap his stick over his thigh in celebration a la Bo Jackson. Which, I admit, was pretty clever, given he just singlehandedly snapped the Red Wings’ home winning streak. But he failed to break it, which was kind of funny. Especially since he was still pretty intense-looking and screaming.

Well, point is, is: this is the closest we get to playoff intensity until, uh, the playoffs. Duh! It’s called foreplay and it’s an important element in any season. Red Wings net minder Jimmy Howard was minding the hell out of that net, while his counterpart was also a pretty savvy dude when it came to using his body to keep the rubber discs outside of his own, personal special area.  Detroit’s third line were on their collective grind, providing all the offensive output, while ‘Dirty’ Daniel Sedin had a big game. Henrik ‘Two Assists’ Sedin wasn’t bad, neither. Heck, nobody was bad, tonight. I’m glad everybody gets some sort of point, because they all deserve it, entertaining me like that. So before people sully up the internet with gripey vibes about ‘bad icing call’ this and ‘Datsyuk out of the lineup that’ and ‘ew, they won the shootout, but that don’t even count, really’, just stop and appraise things as they are for a second. Detroit won an ass-load of hockey for their fans and they’ll likely continue doing so, right on through the springtime. This win by Vancouver should only serve to make things even more exciting should the two titans clash somewhere down the road.

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