Threat Level: Kronwall

Seriously, this could have been in Faces of Death or something. Goddamn! I almost barfed when they showed this shit in slo-mo: Kronwall popping out like a whack-a-mole, Voracek peeping him at the last possible instant, and then #93 hittin’ the ice with his hands in the air like he just don’t care/can’t control his hands anymore.

Believe me when I say that this is rare, but: I feel bad for this Philadelphia Flyer. I don’t mind Voracek much, but something tells me I won’t have to mind him at all for the next year while he recuperates in Bobby Clarke’s sensory-deprivation tank. And talk about ultra-rare (like Mr. Clean with hair) but I agree with the CSN commentators. shudder. There really is no reason to keep playing while a dude’s just down on the ice, spazzing out like that. His fucking brains were probably leaking out his ears. Blow the whistle!

This is why they pay Kronwall the big bucks and why Red Wings games are almost always worth watching. Not that he’s a malicious or dirty player, but I still suspect that Kronwall’s locker has a bunch of photos of his hockey victims with red Sharpie marker ‘X’s’ over their faces. 

And, as Coach Cherry is wont to remind us: keep your heads up, kids!

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3 thoughts on “Threat Level: Kronwall

  1. Anonymous says:

    thats pretty far out, man…
    My 12 year old friend has recently become ‘obsessed’ with hockey. He seems to be pretty into a team called The Caps. Should I be worried? Can I get him a slot on your show? Do they smoke weed out in space, or do they smoke astroturf? Thanks!

  2. I hope they smoke weed in outer space! Imagine how hard being high in space would rule! As for the Capitals, tune into our upcoming podcast for your answer. Trust me, it’ll be a doozie!!

    • Anonymous says:

      ok…so its like ten minutes to bed, and the kids like: Hey! I gotta record game 7! And so I am like, no you dont; you gotta take a shower and brush your teeth. And hes like, its game 7!!! And Im like, why didnt you do this at 6:30, or even 7:30?! Its time for bed! Big fight. Hockey fight. And then hes like, oh…shit. Its not even on tonight, sorry. Sheesh!

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