Category Archives: T-Bone’s Thoughts

DON’T BEAT WOMEN! JUST DON’T!

I like to write about hockey.  It’s something I’ve been doing for a few years now and although I’m not a “journalist” or even a “professional” I do my research and try to think of interesting things to write about.  It’s pretty easy to do, really, especially when every night something new and different happens such as Derek Stepan’s hat-trick or Kari Lehtonen’s incredible pad save.  See? Now you’re all like “oh daymn, I missed those things and want to see dem!”

The thing is though, when you write about hockey, you actually writing about people.  Not fake, SkyNet, terminator automatons, Real F-ing People with parents and children and dogs and other stuff too.   Generally, I like to keep my writing to the stuff these people are doing at work.  It’s pretty strange when you think about it, but that’s what they’re doing: working, and working really hard.  I should mention here that I started out blogging about my day at work but for some reason T-bone and the Supervisor Doggz never really caught on.zdenochicken

What the pro athletes in the NHL do outside of hockey I generally don’t know about.  I can guess they work out, watch hockey on television, according to twitter some of them do a lot of hunting during the off-season, Zdeno Chara does stuff like this.  But when things get dark sided, as can happen with pro athletes, it sort of becomes a grey area for someone like me.  Sure, I’ll joke around about how overweight Dustin Byfuglien has been, or the fact that he got arrested for drunk boating.  That kind of stuff is funny, even though he’s a real person and I would never say it to his face because he would literally kick the shit out of me.

Which brings me to my next point.  Last as I’m sure you’ve heard, Colorado Avalanche goaltender Semyon Varlamov  turned himself in on counts of domestic violence and kidnapping.  He apparently was drinking heavily, got in an argument with his girlfriend, pushed her over, kicked the shit out of her, and pulled her around the apartment by her hair.

What the fuck man.  That’s not cool.

I thought for a while about whether or not I should write about this.  I’m no guru, millions of people don’t read what I write, but I still want to make sure I’m not over stepping my boundaries as a severely unprofessional sports blogger.  But I decided to anyway because, that shit’s not cool.

Seriously, what the fuck Varlamov?  You outweigh that MODEL by like 1,000 lbs.  You’re like 10 feet taller than her.  Kicking her in the chest!? That’s some deplorable-ass shit.  Domestic violence causes not only physical harm but mental as well.  Just imagine getting punched by the one you thought you loved.  Wouldn’t that confuse the shit out of you?  Battered women’s shelters and support groups exist because getting slapped around will fuck up your mind.  Domestic violence can lead to substance abuse, depression, and suicide, just listen to 1 episode of Loveline.   Varlamov’s girlfriend says this wasn’t the first time he’s beaten her, but at least she was smart enough to go to the police this time.  Any man who beats his girlfriend/wife/whatever is a Grade-A shit bag.  I hate to say it Semyon, but you now fall into that category.

Sean Burke honing his craft

Sean Burke honing his craft

Now, I don’t want to single out just one goalie because that’s not fair, most notably because a goalie beating his wife isn’t just reserved for drunken Russians.  While playing for the Hurricanes in 1997, former netminder and current Assistant to the General Manager/Goaltending coach Sean Burke was arrested for beatin’ his old lady.  It seemed as though the pressure of having Trevor Kidd fighting for your starting gig was too much for him.  Another goalie who wasn’t able to make a stop on his emotions is…*gasp!* Patrick Roy! T-bone and the Hockey Doggz touched on this on our last podcast but to clarify, it was October 2000 when Roy ripped some doors off their hinges during an argument with his wife.  Roy was able to show some restraint and not punch and/or kick his wife, but he was arrested nonetheless.

So you know, what the fuck Patrick Roy?  When asked why he was starting Varlamov the day after he made bail Roy said, “Why wait?  We’re all aware of what happened, but we just feel that he’s our guy.” What, you guys are brothers in arms now? Patrick Roy has been great for the Avs so far this year.  He’s taken a team that was really really bad last year and turned them into a team that has only lost 1 game in 13 tries.  But “why wait?”?  How about because Varlamov just got out of jail for BEATING HIS WIFE?!  What Roy is saying here is “we know he beat his wife, but we don’t care.”  That is generally the sentiment by teams when one of the people they pay millions of dollars to represent their team commits a crime.  If I committed a crime and made bail and was able to go back to work, I doubt I would get fired as long as it wasn’t a crime related to my job.  But I am not an athlete who gets paid very well to be a public figure and role model.

What the fuck Avalanche? Shouldn’t Varlamov be punished by the team and coaching staff?  At least a little bit?  I suppose at this point it’s not their jurisdiction, but still.  If a guy doesn’t show enough effort on the ice one night, he’s scratched the next.  If a guy beats his wife and goes to jail, he gets to start the next possible game?  That doesn’t make any sense.  At least let the player and the fans of your franchise know that that kind of shit will not stand, man.

Lastly, what the fuck, us?  Shouldn’t we as fans be more outraged about this whole incident?  This professional athlete just beat his wife

Belfour never had $1 billion! Who was he kidding?!

Belfour never had $1 billion! Who was he kidding?!

which will have a lasting effect on her for years to come.  Most of us will probably forget this even happened by the end of the year.  If he had punched a guy at a bar then offered the Dallas police $1 billion after refusing arrest, I’d be fine with it.  But he didn’t, he beat a defenseless woman in their home, a despicable crime of cowardice.  Varlamov even said that if they were in Russia, he would have beat her more.  UGGHHHH!

Well, maybe I shouldn’t be meddling in the personal matters of these people whom I love to watch at work.  Maybe I should only be concerned about what happens the 60 minutes these guys are on the ice.  But if that were the case, I wouldn’t know that Alexei Kovalev is a airplane pilot, or that the Sedin twins love to rollerblade.  I guess I’ll just have to take the good with the bad and let dog sort ’em out.

If you have a different opinion let us know.  Send us an e-mail at tboneandthehockeydoggz@gmail. com, follow us on twitter @tbonehockeydogz, or leave us a comment!

-T-bone

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The Yardstick: Backups Have Been Good, American of the Week

League Leaders

Offense

Goals: Alex Ovechkin – 10

Assists: Henrik Sedin – 12

Points: Sidney Crosby – 17

Goalies

GAA: Josh Harding – 1.00

SV%: Tuuka Rask – .957

Wins: Antii Niemi – 8

Shutouts: Jean-Sebastian Giguere – 2

Other

Players Suspended: 7*

Games Lost Due to Suspension: 33*

(*Pending John Scott’s meeting with the Shanahammer)

Backstrom Harding Backstrom Harding Backstrom Harding

Backstrom Harding Backstrom Harding Backstrom Harding

Dope Things

Backup goalies!

Josh Harding – Harding started the season in Minnesota as a back-up for Niklas Backstrom but became the starter after Backs went down (typical Backstrom) 3 games into the season with a knee strain.  Harding played in 9 games posting a 1.00 GAA and a .953 SV% before going down himself last night with an injury and being replaced by his back-up Backstrom. It’s like a snake eating it’s own tail.

Carter Hutton – Nicknamed “Tiki Hutt” by his teammates, Hutton has been strong in his first season as a first-string back-up for the Nashville Predators.  He’s played in three games, won two of them, has a 1.37 GAA and a .959 SV%.  Hopefully he can keep those numbers up because he’s going to be “in the shit” with Pekka Rinne being injured.

"Well officer, he came at me with a stick and knives on his feet."

“Well officer, he came at me with a stick and knives on his feet.”

J.S. Gigure – Giguere has been excellent.  It’s crazy. 3-0, .981 SV%, 0.67 GAA, 2 shutouts.  It’s probably just another one of his streaks, but keep in mind his greatest streak won him a Conn Smythe trophy in ’03

The Coyotes

Last year I was like, “Sure am glad the Coyotes aren’t in the playoffs”.  This year I’m like “Why are the Coyotes still so good?!”, although I know the answer is 2 words: RIBEIRO BABY!  9 points in 11 games, this guy is partly to blame for the Coyotes best start since the 2000-01 season.

Nope Things

Suspensions

CLEARLY THE NHL’S DISCIPLINARY TACTICS ARE NOT WORKING BECAUSE NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT MISSING 5 GAMES OR LESS.

Public Smack Talking

In one of my favorite stories of the early season, Montreal Canadiens forward Lars Eller called the visiting Edmonton Oilers a “junior team“.  I mean, it’s kind of true but you probably shouldn’t be saying something like that to the media, especially before a game.  So what happened? The Oilers beat the Canadiens 4-3 and Eller was to blame.  Tsk Tsk

American of the Week

NOT Dustin Byfuglien, OR Craig Smith (this week)

Americans had a pretty good week. Phil Kessel had a hat trick, Craig Anderson had a good game, Bobby Ryan is fitting in behind enemy lines .  BUT I’m gonna give American of the Week honors to one of the USA’s up and coming stars: Seth Jones. WHO?!

SETH JONES!

If you wanna e-mail T-bone and the Hockey Doggz please do: tboneandthehockeydoggz@gmail.com

Follow us on twitter: @tbonehockeydogz

Bye Byeeeeeee!

-T-bone

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Long Island Could Use Ryan Miller More Than Buffalo

Yikes.

It may not look like it from that video, but Ryan Miller is a pretty good goaltender.  He’s a former 41-game winner and has led his team to back-to-back Eastern Conference Finals, losing both times.   In a year wear he posted a .926 SV% and a 2.22 GAA, Miller won a Vezina trophy in 2009-2010 as well as a silver medal at the Olympics where he was named tournament MVP and American Hero.

It’s pretty much been downhill from there. In three seasons since winning the Vezina, Miller has yet to finish a year with a SV% higher than .916 and his GAA has been on the wrong side of 2.59.  Granted, the Buffalo Sabres team in front of him has been mismanaged and has gained in crapiness every season since 2010 as well, but there’s no denying Millers game could use some spark.

Miller is set to become an unrestricted free agent at the end of next year and having to weigh factors like his team being bad, he ain’t gettin’ any younger, and his super-hot wife living in LA, odds are he’s not signing in Buffalo.  Plus the front office knows that he could bring a roster player and a draft pick in a trade.  If you’re privy to the blogosphere (and I know you are) then you have likely heard all kinds of

A vetted and indisputable heaping helping

A vetted and indisputable heaping helping

rumors about R-Mill and what weirdos on the internet think will happen with him.  Here at T-bone and the Hockey Doggz, I, T-bone, love myself a heapin’ helpin’ of outsider speculation based solely on an idea that come to me while washing my butt and research conducted on the internet.  So what ideas do I have about the Miller saga? Glad you asked!

The first question I asked myself was “Where’s the beer?” so I went to the fridge and exclaimed “Eureka!” and cracked open a cold one. Gimme a “Hell Yeah!”.

Then I asked, “Welp, what team is in contention but would benefit from adding an average goalie who has potential to be great and has playoff experience?”  There have been rumors that the Edmonton Oilers have been in trade talks with the Sabres, but it is likely that Edmonton is on his list of teams he’s not tryin’ to get traded to and it is unlikely he would waive his no trade clause to go there.  Plus, why would Edmonton give up on Nail Yakupov less than halfway through his first full season? C’mon!

For my money, a team that could use Miller’s experience and skills the most is the New York Islanders.  Evgeni Nabokov is cool, don’t get me wrong, but in the playoffs last season (and pretty much every post-season), his numbers were pretty terrible: .842 SV% and 4.44 GAA.  Granted he was playing against the Pittsburgh Penguins who have two of the most talented and gifted active players, but if Nabby could have out played Pens goalie Marc-Andre Fleury (which wouldn’t have been too hard) it would have been the Islanders against the Senators in the second round instead of the Penguins.  Nabokov is old and not that great.  Kevin Poulin is young and untested.  The Islanders have a lot of talent up front that could be moved for a solid net minder. According to capgeek they have about 14 million in cap space which is plenty to handle Miller’s 6.25 Million cap hit.  Plus, if Garth snow really wants to shake things up, he could try to wrangle the other hot soon-to-be-UFA Tomas Vanek as well.  If the Isles were able to trade for these two, it would add leadership and most of all playoff experience which, as they move to the next phase of their development, would be good to have.

I told you he was cool

I told you he was cool

But who would the Islanders be willing to move to get power couple Miller and/or Vanek?  My guess would be Kyle Okposo.  He’s kind of the 5th wheel when it comes to scoring for the Islanders behind Tavares, Moulson, Grabner, and Frans Nielson.  Plus with the addition of Cal Clutterbuck this past offseason, whatever Okposo brought physically has been covered and then some by the hit-happy Clutterbuck. Throw in a couple of draft picks and maybe a prospect in their system, Vanek could be there’s too.

It’s possible that the cunning GM-itude of Garth Snow has another grand plan that does not involve Ryan Miller or Tomas Vanek.  To that I would say, “That’s why you get paid the big bucks”.  Maybe Miller’s not good enough to justify trading away a young player and replacing Evgeni Nabokov.  But a move like this would make a lot of sense I think looking to get more competitive and go deeper into the playoffs.  Although, Ilya Bryzgalov is still available!

-T-bone

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The Yardstick: Problems With Authority

League Leaders

"If I say I love you, it means I love you, ok?"

“If I say I love you, it means I love you, ok?”
Photo: Getty

Offense

Goals: Thomas Hertl – 7

Assists: Henrik Sedin – 9

Points: Sidney Crosby – 14

Goalies

GAA: Josh Harding – 1.15

Save %: Jonas Hiller – .959

Wins: Marc-Andre Fleury/Antii Niemi – 6

Shutouts: A bunch of guys – 1

So! Huskey and I went to the Pens/Flyers game last night and there’s a few things I’d like to mention about it.  First, the Flyers are in a pretty bad spot and they showed it last night.  They had no business being on the ice with the Pens.  They were able to generate a few chances early but didn’t really get anything going until the end of the 2nd when they scored.  After that it was all Pens.  Second, people haaaaaaaate the refs.  From booing nearly every stoppage in play to the guy sitting in front of us with the #69 “RefUSuck” jersey, the people in Philly have a real problem with authority!

This is worth watching just for the reactions of Mike Haynes, the play-by-play guy in Colorado.

That’s all for now!

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The Yardstick: Rangers Stink, Actual Sharks Probably Do Too but the Hockey Team is Pretty Good

I think it’ll be fun to track the league leaders throughout the season so…here

League Leaders

Mike "I don't practice" Santorelli is the Canucks goal scoring leader with 4.  Weird right? Photo: Getty

Mike “I don’t practice” Santorelli is the Canucks goal scoring leader with 4. Weird right?
Photo: Getty

Forwards

Goals: Tomas Hertl – 6

Points: Tomas Hertl – 7

Assists: Alex Galchenyuk – 6

+/-: I no longer recognize this stat

Goalies

GAA: Jean-Sebastian Gigure/Ben Scrivens – 0.00

Save %: Jean-Sebastian Gigure/Ben Scrivens – 1.000

Wins: Antti Niemi – 4

Shutouts – A bunch of different guys – 1

 

I have a few questions about this early season and I’m hoping you, the reader, can offer some opinion on the subjects.  The first question I have is:

Alain Vigneault is all like "What da haaaaiiillll" Photo: Getty

Alain Vigneault is all like “What da haaaaiiillll”
Photo: Getty

What’s wrong with the Rangers?

Seriously!  They STINK!  They’ve been outscored 20-6 and are 1-3-0 in 4 games, they’re allowing 36.2 shots per game and poor Henrik Lunqvist gave up 6 goals last night against the Ducks.  I know, I know, it’s early.  They have a new coach whose system is totally different then the last guy.  They’ve been all the way across the country from their home.  They’ll probably turn it around, but for now they suuuucccckkk.  Get it together y’all!

 

How about the Sharks?!

D’you see them?! Dey been crazy good!  Niemi’s been able to carry over his play from last season which is to say he’s been excellent.  Tomas (pronounced Tomash (thank you Drew Ramenda)) Hertl has 6 goals, four of them coming in one game.  I want to comment on his fourth goal, you know the super sick one where he scored from between his legs and behind himself.  IT. WAS. AWESOME. Yeah, sure there was a bit of hot-dogging there, but remember this:

That was a bit of hot-doggery too, but it was ALSO AWESOME. Hertl’s last goal was so good that if Joe Thornton scored it, we would have seen his dong.

Just some food for thought for all da homies out there.  Let me know what you think about all this in the comments, on twitter @TboneHockeyDogz, or via e-mail at tboneandthehockeydoggz@gmail.com.  And also get pumped for a podcast! Cause it’s happening! MONDAY BAY-BEE!

 

The Flyers Suck and the Trapezoid is Stupid

Hey! It’s been less than a week since the NHL season started! Let’s talk about it!

OWCHIES!

OWCHIES!

The first big thing that happened re-sparked a debate that’s been going on for longer than I’ve been around.  On opening night, “The Mustachioed Cat” George Parros fell on his face during a fight against Toronto’s Colton Orr, leaving the ice with a concussion.  So, should we take fighting out of hockey? To that I will only say this: Nope, it has an unquantifiable effect on the momentum of a game and anyone who has witnessed this in action would want to fight anyone who wants to take fighting out of the game.  THAT’S IT!

Going from stale to fresh, the second winningest American coach of all time Peter Laviolette, was fired by the Phiadelphia Flyers.  He was the second victim of circumstance in the Philadelphia sports world (we’ll miss you Charlie!) in a matter of months.  Much like the beloved Philadelphia Phillies, Laviolette’s team was bad due to more than one folly of GM-itude.  Since he’s been around since ’09, he had to take the heat for it.  The good thing about it though is that the Flyers are now 0-3-0, starting a whole new system with a rookie coach, they have a terrible defense and an even worse goaltending tandem.  They’re going to suck!  And that makes us here at T-bone and the Hockey Doggz pret-tay pret-tay happy.  Flyers Suck!

Finally: a rant.

I could use more of this.

I could use more of this.

Hey! You know what I’m sick of? Well I’ll tell you.  I’m sick of people talkin’ shit about the shootout.  You know what else I’m sick of?!  PEOPLE NOT TALKING SHIT ABOUT THE TRAPEZOID! Since the last lock out, it has been deemed that a hockey game needs a winner, and quickly! No more ties, dammit, we wanna see some fancy stick work and there’s no better way to see that than a shootout.  So along the same vein, why don’t we want to see fancy stick work from a goalie?! There’s no valid reason a goalie shouldn’t be able to handle the puck.  “Because he’s too good at it” is not a reason.  Stick-handling to a goalie is an added skill, one that all goalies have the option to work on.  Everyone knows that Martin Brodeur is one of the best stick handling goalies of all time.  Who else is there right now? Mike Smith? Brodeur is on his way out.  After he’s gone, will we see another great puck moving netminder?   I know I would like to, but with the trapezoid, there’s no real reason for a goalie to polish his stick skills, and I hate that.

GET RID OF THE TRAPEZOID!!!

So, everyone, it’s a new NHL season and a new season for T-bone and the Hockey Doggz.  Get ready for a new podcast coming up in the next week or so wherein we will have some new awesome segments involving 2 cases (yeah around 500 cards) of ’91-’92 NHL Pro Set Series II hockey cards.  There’s also going to be more smart, funny, provocative insight from me T-bone.

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Holy Shit! The lockout is over!

I dunno if you guys heard the big news but Downton Abbey season 3 started on Sunday!

Wait, that’s not it…the fuckin’ Seahawks won their first playoff road game since 1983!!  Hawk yeah!!

Hang on…OH YEAH! MOST importantly is the FUCKIN’ NHL LOCKOUT IS OVVVVVAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Yeah! That’s right.  That thing that’s made all of your Autumn and all of your Winter, so far, boooorrrrriiiiinnnngggg is totally over.  Now your Winter can get back to it’s mostly-cold-and-shitty-but-also-ok-because-there’s-hockey self!  We here at T-bone and the Hockey Doggz couldn’t be more pumped.  Well, that’s not true because we’ve been pumpin’ all summer.

Pumpin' these

Pumpin’ these

and pumpin' that

and pumpin’ that

So, I’m gonna go out on a limb here because…I feel like it (lockout’s over motha-f’ers, it’s no rules!) and make some early predictions.  Here we go!:

Eastern Conference

Favorites:

Pittsburgh Penguins:  Sidney Crosby, Evgeni Malkin.  Yep, those two dudes still play on the same team.  How could they not be an Eastern fave? Oh yeah, remember Marc-Andre Fleury’s awful performance in the playoffs last year? That’s how.  They did go out and sign Tomas Vokoun (who started for the Washington Capitals last season) as a backup who will lighten Fleury’s load, if all goes according to plan.  If their defense is healthy and their goalie(s) can perform, they can win the Stanley Cup, easy. If not, say hello to another first round dismissal.

New York Rangers: With their big off season acquisition, “Rick Nash” from the “Columbus Blue Jackets”, and their Eastern Conference Final appearance in 2012, the New York Rangers have to feel like momentum is on their side.  And let’s face it Henrik Lundqvist, is great.  But, will Marion Gaborik be healthy enough to play, not to mention contribute?  Will King Henrik continue his dominance? Why can’t they win? The NYR mystery continues.

savant

This guy knew the Devils would make it to the Eastern Conference Final

New Jersey Devils: Last season was an anomaly.  If anyone chose the Devils as the Eastern Conference Champion that person is either a stat sevant or some kind or Nostradamus.  Either way, I like Kovalchuk, Parise is cool, but he’s gone, and Martin Brodeur can totally suck it. I would be perfectly happy if the New Jersey Devils never made the playoffs ever again.

Sleeper Teams:

Carolina Hurricanes: Yeah, that’s right.  Sure, they finished 12th in the East last year, but after their incredibly awful start in 2011-12, but after hiring Kirk Muller they were able to finish .500.  Jeff Skinner and Tim Gleason are young and talented.  They have a Ruutu (not Jarkko but it’ll do) and a set of weird brothers from Thunder Bay, ON named Staal.  And for my money (which adds up to about $500) Christ-lovin’ Cam Ward is the most underrated goalie in the NHL.

Buffalo Sabres: The Sabres are not a bad team.  You might think they strive to be a bad team, signing Ville Leino and keeping Patrick Kaleta around, but they got a raw deal last year.  The whole Lucic-ing threw a monkey wrench into their season which they couldn’t rebound from until March, when they were able to play incredibly good.  They have some proven goal scorers, some good young forwards and defensemen, and of course American Hero Ryan Miller in goal.

Montreal Canadiens: Sure, why not? The only place they have to go from last year is up.  Plekanec is pretty good, although injured, Price is good, and Erik Cole had 35 goals last year.  They’ll be my Eastern Conference long shot.

Western Conference

Favorites:

Los Angeles Kings: During the 2012 playoffs, the Kings were unstoppable, destroying every team on their way to a Stanley Cup victory.  The fact that they have almost 100% roster retention from their Cup run cannot be overlooked.  Anze Kopitar will likely miss the first games of the season, if not more, which could be a huge setback for the team.  Other than that the only question for the Kings is: Will they be able to dominate as hard this year as they did in the playoffs?

Vancouver Canucks: Unlike the Kings, this team has many many question marks for the season ahead.  The biggest one is between the pipes.  Can Cory Schneider be rilly good at goaltending? What’s goin on with Roberto Luongo? The Sedins will be able to score goals because they have magic on their side, but what about the rest of the team? Ryan Kesler is recovering from a full body transplant so he’s can’t score goals.  Their season will be an interesting one.

St. Louis Blues: The Blues under Ken Hitchcock have been pretty good, like 11th in the West to 2nd in the West in 1 year good.  However, we kinda saw them unravel in the playoffs last year.  Granted, one of their goalies got injured and they were facing the best team to ever play in the NHL Playoffs, but still, they could have at least made it close.  I have a feeling Hitch’s sophomore season with the Blues won’t be as much of a breeze as the first.

Sleeper Teams

woman and camaro

Now, that’s what I’m talkin’ ’bout!!

Anaheim Ducks: For the majority of last season, the Ducks sucked, and royally.  Ryan Getzlaf, Corey Perry, and Bobby Ryan couldn’t score if they had a Camaro (which is the easiest way to score).  Then, just like in the previous year, they started to get the hang of the whole “Hockey Team” thing and went on a pretty good run, but not good enough.  I think this half-season will benefit this team who only starts paying attention after the All-Star break.

Minnesota Wild: The Wild signed the two biggest free agents of the off season to deals worth a metric tonne of money.  Can I still classify them as a “sleeper”? Sure! This is my blog goddamnit!  Zach Parise and Ryan Suter will have a profound impact on the team and I think if their goaltender(s) can stay healthy and get some secondary scoring from Devin Setoguci, Dany Heatley, and Cal Clutterbuck’s bitchin’ stache, they’ll be at least a 7th seed, if not higher.

Colorado Avalanche:  The Avs are a team with youth and speed on their side.  Going into his second season, Gabriel Landeskog has already been named captain, making him one of the youngest in history.  Other dudes like Ryan O’Reilly, Jamie McGinn, and Matt Duchesne have all proven they can put pucks in the net.  And I dunno if you guys heard, but Semyon Varlamov has been killin’ it in the KHL.

So there we have it, musings of a half-drunk NHL fan who is fuckin’ thrilled the puck will drop this season.  The Blue Jackets could win for all I care! I just can’t wait to see these weirdos with knives on their feet and sticks in their hands rocket pucks at a fat man, just hoping to get it past him.  FUCKING HOCKEY!!

OH YEAH!

Because they're funny! HAIL SMAIL!

Because they’re funny! HAIL SMAIL!

Don’t forget to visit our page on Thursday when we’ll have the Season 2 Premiere of the T-Bone and the Hockey Dogzz PODCAST!!!!!!! Moonpie will be there, Huskey will be there, and me, T-Bone! We’ll discuss things like:

  • How shitty the lock-out was
  • Predictions and prognostications
  • How to get more early 90’s hockey cards
  • How shitty was the lock-out?

We’ll also be holding the first annual T-Bone and the Hockey Doggz Present: Virgin’s Fantasy Hockey Draft !!! It’s gonna be shit-loads of fun!

-T-Bone

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Country Music, The Blues, and Philly Soul Out, Rock-n-Roll In: NHL Playoffs Week 4

It’s the one month anniversary of the NHL Playoffs! Did you guys get them a present?  We here at T-bone and the Hockey Doggz forgot.  That is until around 11:00pm last night.  Like it or not, playoffs, this is what you get.  We lost the receipt so no whining.

Uhhmm, ‘the hell?!

What’s happened in the last week? Well, all but one series of the second round are donzos. In the battle of the hockey belt, the Phoenix Coyotes move on to the conference finals for the first time in the team’s history.  They also might not actually be moving away from Phoenix, so that’s cool.  The stories of this series were a mediocre goalie-turned-28-save-3rd-star-of-the-game as well as two Eastern Europeans who stayed out past bedtime.  Sitting the two wild and crazy guys in game three of the series was an iffy call, it is the Stanley Cup after all.  Sitting out your two best offensive players in game four and losing 1-0, what are you thinkin’?!  C’mon Barry Trotz, don’t you know that a coyote is a scavenger that can pick the bones of mortally wounded predator?  Either way, people with haircuts like these aren’t allowed to cheer a team in the conference finals. NHL awards show in Vegas, maybe.  But not the conference finals.  Hopefully their opponent in the next series is a more exciting adversary.  Oh yeah, it will be, the Blues are out.

Andy, these aren’t even food.

The St. Blues really “Blue’d it” but were hampered by a serious case of bad “Ha-luck”.  Their “star” players were not able to compete at the same level as the star players of the L.A. Kings.  If you look beyond this series on the ice, it’s plain to see that St. Louis was doomed from the get-go.  In goal, Brian Elliot “Too Many Goals In” was forced to battle with off-season Tombstone, AZ reenactor Jonathan Quick.   Andy McDonald was held to just 1 goal and 1 assist after posting 8 points in 5 games versus the Sharks.  That’s like bringing home a 6-piece McNugget to hungry family.  You’ve got to provide, man!  Aside from the hit on Dustin Penner in game 2, T.J. Oshie was a Noshie.  That’s short for No Show.  The experienced veterans on the team were a Langenbummer and were left asking, “Why Arnott we scoring more goals?”. Who told number 42 to leave his A-game backes in the regular season?  Even defensemen like Barrett Jackman got jacked, man by Ponch and John Alec Martinez and Willie Mitchell.  Plus a shattened kirk and a hitched cock sound like career ending injuries.  On the other bench, the Kings have guys with less provocative, subconsciously detrimental names like Carter, Richards, and (no shit) King.  Even a name like Kopitar make you think of a guitar, which really flows with the whole California vibe.  Bottom line: L.A was rock-n-roll and St. Louis was the blues.   The Kings totally ruled and did whatever they felt like while the Blues put a lot of heart into it but were ultimately sad and lethargic.  It’s a real no-brainer.

On the other coast, no one cares about your name.  Over there it’s all rush rush, hurry hurry and everyone just wants to get on with their business.  Case in point, the New Jersey Devils.  We can go on and on about former guest of the TB&HDz podcast the Dark Lord and his reigning power over a mere Flyer (by the way, what’s a Flyer?  A pilot?  A businessman?  Anyone with credit good enough to earn miles?), but we’re going to stick to the facts here.  A Flyer is definitely a person who loses to the Devils in five.  The evil Philadelphia Flyers losing,

The best player in the world.

Peter Laviolette, Flyers Coach

Dirt Claude Giroux to a suspension before the most important game in their season was bad but, franchise goaltender Ilya Bryzgalov scoring the game-winning goal for the opponent was worse:

At least they only have this guy for 9 more years.

Awesome!

-T-Bone and the Hockey Doggz

Not everything on the east coast is efficient and faced paced though.  That’s right, we’re talking about those bozos in Washington.  After taking 7 games to methodically eliminate the the Bruin problem in the NHL, they have now moved the focus of their austerity measures to include the Rangers themselves.  “If we have no bears,” said Capitals General Manager George McPhee, “I don’t see the need for having Rangers.” The Capitals have had a chance to win the first five games, they’ve only won two.  It’s tight, defensive hockey, but Brad Richards is really good.  So is Henrik Lundqvist.  Tonight’s game will either see the New York Rangers move on or those bureaucrats in Washington will drag this series out to 7 games.  Which team will be the one to run with the devil[s]?

Don’t forget to leave us a comment!  You can e-mail us at tboneandthehockeydoggz@gmail.com .  Don’t forget to follow us on twitter @tbonehockeydogz for live tweets of games, sometimes.  Our end-of-the-second-round-podcast is coming up soon!  You can subscribe to that on iTunes riiiiiggghhhhht hhheeerrrreee.

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You Can’t Stop a Frieght Train: NHL Playoffs Week 3

Nor can you stop an Oshie, Mr. Penner:

Evergreen State represent!

We are in the thick of the NHL Playoffs and there ain’t no goin’ back.  Since we last talked, a lot has happened.  I’m talking burned-out-warehouse-abandoned-lot if you know what I’m sayin’.  First off, remember those games sevens we discussed last week?  I’d be goddamned if I told you there wasn’t an upset, ’cause there was!  The Washington Capitals sent the defending Stanley Cup champions home last Wednesday with a goal scored off the stick of 4th-line “playoff performer” Joel Ward.  Assisting on the goal was veteran/usual scratch Mike Knuble.  Vindication was his to take after being sat the first 3 games of the series.  The real story for the Caps has been rookie goalie Brayden Holtby who was able to beat the reigning elite goaltender turned wacko Tim Thomas.  How good would he look in a Columbus Blue Jackets sweater?

The Capitals moved on to face the New York Rangers, who had just squeaked out a win against the 8th seeded Ottawa Senators.  You want to talk about rookies and playoff performers, look at this Chris Kreider fella.  He’s got 2 goals (both of which are game-winners) and 1 assist in 7 games.  IN THE NHL PLAYOFFS.  That’s more than the Sens can say for their Swedish Elite League “super-star” MVP Jakob Silfvzef7bergs.  Go back to Sweden! USA! USA!  The Rangers/Capitals series is now tied at 1.

The New Jersey Devils were also able to win their game 7 against the Florida Panthers.  With the help of another rookie name-a Adam Henrique.  Double OT, he comes from the corner, snatches a fluttering puck out of the air, and spanks it past Jose Theodore.  What a goal:

Drawing the evil Philadelphia Flyers in the second round, the Devils lost the first game thanks to the hands and feet of Danny “too good for the regular season” Briere.  Last night Bryzgalov looked like he might steal one for the Flyers, but then let in a goal, then another, and then another.  That series is also tied at 1

Here is the playoff landscape as of May 1st, straight from the TBHDz Playoff War Room

The Phoenix/Nashville series has been pretty entertaining so far.  Those ‘Yotes are hot thanks to Mike Smith’s knack for surprising people.  They even managed to score 5 goals in one game, against a Vezina finalist no less.  The Coyotes are up 2-0 in this series but keep in mind two of the newest Predators, Andrei Kostitsyn and Alexander Radulov, were most definitely out hitting the famous Phoenix club scene the night before Sunday’s loss and will be sitting out tonight.  I think my man Jordin Tootoo better have a chat with those two clowns before they get there hands on more Stolichnaya.

Finally, the Kings.  They ripped the axe out of the hands of Johnny Canuck and proceeded to chop his wang off.  They then traveled to St. Louis where their lust for bar-b-que was subdued somehow (pancakes?) and they were able to throw themselves mercilessly at the Blues.  Much like the last series, the Kings have scored 8 goals games in the first two games and have only given up 3.  Now, if that’s not “Key To the Game” graphic material, I don’t know what is!

What's that you say?! Image: Puck Daddy

Fun Facts:

  • Every seed is represented in this years 2nd round.
  • Before the games tonight, both series in the West are 2-0 and both in the East are 1-1
  • The cunning yet fiendish Rangers fans have turned Ottawa’s “countdown to praise” for their beloved Daniel Alfredsson into a “countdown to hate” for any opposing star.  Alexander Ovechkin is immune.
  • I’m naked right now

Be sure to leave us a comment if you agree or disagree with anything stated above.  You can also send an e-mail to tboneandthehockeydoggz@gmail.com, we really like reading e-mails.  Follow us on twitter @tbonehockeydoggz and subscribe to our podcast on iTunes here.  Week 4, here we come!

 

-T-bone

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First Round Leaves Many Frowns: NHL Playoffs Week Two

So far Moonpie and T-bone have predicted the outcome of 1 series. That's why they pay us the big bucks.

The frowns started in Michigan back on Friday when the ‘young guns’ of the Nashville Predators sent the ‘old farts’ of the Detroit Red Wings a-packin’ in just 5 games.  A team that just four years ago won Lord Stanley’s Cup was eliminated in the first round by newcomers to this whole “winning in the playoffs” thing.  It really got me thinking about the Wings; there will be a time when the Red Wings do notmake the playoffs.  Weird right?!  It’s been since the days of Adam Oates and a young Steve Yzerman that Detroit was last thought as one of those “other teams” in the Western Conference and not a formidable cup contender.  I’m sorry Wings fans, but I can’t say I’m sad to see your days of dominance come to an end.  Give someone else a try for once, c’mon.

With the end of that first playoff series one of the best traditions in hockey was witnessed for the first time since last June; the handshake.  Imagine what it’s like working your guts out against another person, trying to beat them no matter what for a week or two, then having to look into their eyes and shake their hand once it’s decided one team is better than the other.  You can’t find such a tremendous display of humility and sportsmanship like this at the end of a grueling series in any other sport!   Regardless of whether you’re the winner or loser, it’s probably pretty weird, although I’m sure the winners have a much better time at these end of game gatherings.

Aww, poor Sharkies. Maybe next year! Or if you're on a different team.

That’s how it all began, and next we said goodbye to San Jose Sharks.  Not a real shocker in the moment, but if someone had told you in the beginning of the season that the 7th seeded Sharks were going to get eliminated in 5 games in the first round by the 2nd seeded St. Louis Blues, you’d be all like, “saayy whaatt?!”

We then said goodbye to the Vancouver Canucks and that was a real shocker.  It’s pretty hard to believe that the President’s Trophy winner and former Western Conference Champions would lose so decisively to the 8th seeded Kings, but that’s what’s so great about the playoffs, you never know what’s going to happen!  Raffi Torres could get suspended 25 games!

The beloved Pittsburgh Penguins were sent home by the evil Philadelphia Flyers.  A lot of people picked these Pens to go on another Stanley Cup run but they were simply out-played by the Flyers and didn’t really deserve to win.  All we can hope for now is that the Rangers can be the Senators in tonight’s game 7…which brings me to my next point: Game 7’s!!  We’ll have three of these babies in the East this year!  The division winners have all had their hands full with the bottom of conference playoff barrel, but we’ll know what the second round match-ups are by the end of Thursday.

Mike Smith really bailed out the Phoenix Coyotes in their series with the Chicago Blackhawks.  Without him they would be toast, but with his goose egg performance the Quarterfinal match-ups are set in stone in the West: Blues-Kings and Coyotes-Predators.  One of these four will represent the West in the Cup Final, who are you rooting for?

All things being equal, Smitty's mask is pretty dope.

Feel free to leave us a comment, write to us via e-mail here, and follow us on twitter here.  Sometime after Thursday and before the second round starts we’ll put up a podcast with our first round thoughts and second round predictions.  You can hear our old p-casts here!

-T-bone

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