It’s the one month anniversary of the NHL Playoffs! Did you guys get them a present? We here at T-bone and the Hockey Doggz forgot. That is until around 11:00pm last night. Like it or not, playoffs, this is what you get. We lost the receipt so no whining.
Uhhmm, ‘the hell?!
What’s happened in the last week? Well, all but one series of the second round are donzos. In the battle of the hockey belt, the Phoenix Coyotes move on to the conference finals for the first time in the team’s history. They also might not actually be moving away from Phoenix, so that’s cool. The stories of this series were a mediocre goalie-turned-28-save-3rd-star-of-the-game as well as two Eastern Europeans who stayed out past bedtime. Sitting the two wild and crazy guys in game three of the series was an iffy call, it is the Stanley Cup after all. Sitting out your two best offensive players in game four and losing 1-0, what are you thinkin’?! C’mon Barry Trotz, don’t you know that a coyote is a scavenger that can pick the bones of mortally wounded predator? Either way, people with haircuts like these aren’t allowed to cheer a team in the conference finals. NHL awards show in Vegas, maybe. But not the conference finals. Hopefully their opponent in the next series is a more exciting adversary. Oh yeah, it will be, the Blues are out.
Andy, these aren’t even food.
The St. Blues really “Blue’d it” but were hampered by a serious case of bad “Ha-luck”. Their “star” players were not able to compete at the same level as the star players of the L.A. Kings. If you look beyond this series on the ice, it’s plain to see that St. Louis was doomed from the get-go. In goal, Brian Elliot “Too Many Goals In” was forced to battle with off-season Tombstone, AZ reenactor Jonathan Quick. Andy McDonald was held to just 1 goal and 1 assist after posting 8 points in 5 games versus the Sharks. That’s like bringing home a 6-piece McNugget to hungry family. You’ve got to provide, man! Aside from the hit on Dustin Penner in game 2, T.J. Oshie was a Noshie. That’s short for No Show. The experienced veterans on the team were a Langenbummer and were left asking, “Why Arnott we scoring more goals?”. Who told number 42 to leave his A-game backes in the regular season? Even defensemen like Barrett Jackman got jacked, man by
Ponch and John Alec Martinez and Willie Mitchell. Plus a shattened kirk and a hitched cock sound like career ending injuries. On the other bench, the Kings have guys with less provocative, subconsciously detrimental names like Carter, Richards, and (no shit) King. Even a name like Kopitar make you think of a guitar, which really flows with the whole California vibe. Bottom line: L.A was rock-n-roll and St. Louis was the blues. The Kings totally ruled and did whatever they felt like while the Blues put a lot of heart into it but were ultimately sad and lethargic. It’s a real no-brainer.
On the other coast, no one cares about your name. Over there it’s all rush rush, hurry hurry and everyone just wants to get on with their business. Case in point, the New Jersey Devils. We can go on and on about former guest of the TB&HDz podcast the Dark Lord and his reigning power over a mere Flyer (by the way, what’s a Flyer? A pilot? A businessman? Anyone with credit good enough to earn miles?), but we’re going to stick to the facts here. A Flyer is definitely a person who loses to the Devils in five. The evil Philadelphia Flyers losing,
The best player in the world.
Dirt Claude Giroux to a suspension before the most important game in their season was bad but, franchise goaltender Ilya Bryzgalov scoring the game-winning goal for the opponent was worse:
At least they only have this guy for 9 more years.
-T-Bone and the Hockey Doggz
Not everything on the east coast is efficient and faced paced though. That’s right, we’re talking about those bozos in Washington. After taking 7 games to methodically eliminate the the Bruin problem in the NHL, they have now moved the focus of their austerity measures to include the Rangers themselves. “If we have no bears,” said Capitals General Manager George McPhee, “I don’t see the need for having Rangers.” The Capitals have had a chance to win the first five games, they’ve only won two. It’s tight, defensive hockey, but Brad Richards is really good. So is Henrik Lundqvist. Tonight’s game will either see the New York Rangers move on or those bureaucrats in Washington will drag this series out to 7 games. Which team will be the one to run with the devil[s]?
Don’t forget to leave us a comment! You can e-mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org . Don’t forget to follow us on twitter @tbonehockeydogz for live tweets of games, sometimes. Our end-of-the-second-round-podcast is coming up soon! You can subscribe to that on iTunes riiiiiggghhhhht hhheeerrrreee.